Arim, Barim and Carim : An Absurd Tale from the Land of Lilliputs
Once upon a time, the chiefs of three Lilliputian kingdoms met. The most just king amongst them was to be chosen. Hundreds and thousands of Lilliputians thronged the stalls eager to catch a glimpse of the royalty. The royal peers followed by their trains entered and the crowds rose to greet them. The heads now seated were called upon one by one to demonstrate how just they were.
King A for Arim chose to speak first. “ I am most just. The proof of a pudding is in the eating. The proof of my justice lies in the fact that the moral character of my men is incorrigible.” The two other monarchs asserted the same thing so it was decided that the merit of policies would supersede the merit of their effect since the effect was more or less the same. All agreed that not the effect but the strength of the cause be considered.
Arim got the chance again, B for Barim and C for Carim followed. Arim said, “ Hear O great Lilliputians! Men you are all and I am glad no women and children are allowed to mar these sacrosanct proceedings!”
He told them how they had inherited the atrocious customs from their forefathers that allowed curtain-clad women to have a narrow strip removed from which their eyes could peep through. “ If you allowed them an inch they’d one day want a mile. Through their eyes the whole world was opened out to them. This could breed dissatisfaction and foment rebellion. Of course! We men are not afraid of that- tantrums thrown out by women could be handled.” Arim was more worried about the impact of narrow strip on men.
“ Some women put kohl in their eyes that lures and misleads men. What’s more there are some that do not wear kohl and hence attract the male attention because men obviously want to know why they had not. They found a hundred thousand ways to arouse the curiosity of men.”
“ In my kingdom I have proclaimed that women who wear the curtain with a slit be beheaded the second time and their eyes be gouged out the first time they commit the sin.” It was found out that there was no second time because the culprits, after the eyes had been gouged out, did not show an inclination to wear the slit, kohl their eyes or look at the world. The end effect is a high national character amongst Ariminians.
Applause reverberated through the arena and refused to die down, till Barim rose to speak. “It is wrong to condemn our forefathers. In fact they struck upon the bright idea to have the women clad in black curtains. It really does curtail to an extent their black magic. However, I do agree with my distinguished friend that loopholes were left.
One such anomaly my friend has taken care of. I wonder how then the custom of having air filters in the purdah still prevails. When air passes through these filters the women behind suck in the air and their chest heaves up- this process of publicly breathing though harmless in men is vicious in women. It immediately arouses the suspicion that ‘some breathing thing’ or ‘some such creature’ is behind the black folds. In my country I have ordered these vile filters to be plugged.” The public sat spellbound admiring the great wit and justness of their leaders. Lilliputs were happy that men of such intelligence were bred among them.
Barim continued, “Not only do we control the breathing of women but we have taken measures so that women are virtually absent from men’s minds. In the kingdom of Barim, my friends, newspapers cannot display the photos of ladies. No excuses are allowed. The other day a press reporter was beaten up because he had the boldness to ask if mama Meresa could feature in the newspapers. Women don’t have to be beauty queens to make men go crazy. All women are alike suspect. Of course! The average Bariminian is the most righteous- quite like Adam before he met Eve.”
C for Carim who had been listening patiently to his peers’ discourses and had throughout been sitting with an amused smile now rose. He stepped up the pedestal and the crowd hung upon his lips. He knew that Arim and Barim were making bold talk, declaring how smart, efficient and just they were but in spite of their claim they had failed to remove the root cause of all evil.
“Gentlemen, like my friends I am happy to see no ladies here. But outside, in the Bazaars, shopping Malls, in the vicinity of places of worship and in our very harems and homes we have to bear with these low creatures. Women! Damn them!! No amount of cloth that goes into making them decent would ensure their character. They’ll never stop misleading men. To save our national characters (and I speak of all the kingdom in lilliputland) we have to take drastic measures. My friends went a few steps but no further. I congratulate them on their achievements but regret that they refused to take the one bold decision that was justly anticipated in their policies. Gentlemen! To ban sieves and filter is not enough; it is not enough to edit out the pictures of the she- devil from newspapers. She is sitting, waiting for you in your very homes.”
He told them how he had left his countrymen in a utopia where men had endless joy. This was because women- the constant source of irritation, the chief cause of man’s transgressions, the only cause of any digression-were removed. “O Lilliputians, Remember! The heart does not grieve over what eyes do not see…a man does not pine over false loves and beauties he never set his eyes upon.” The message was loud and clear: ‘Exterminate all the women’. Carim waited for the applause.
Everybody sat dumbstruck. People forgot to applaud. Arim and Barim whispered in each other’s ears. This was grand. Unconventional! Almost Prophetic! Everything now depended upon the public. They were not fools. The public was no fool. Carim had taken the ideas of the other two to its logical extreme. But…The Public Could Not Digest It.
Carim was crowned the most royal of the kings of Lilliput and most just. When after the public ceremony he said his last prayer he felt like Christ crucified. This grand sire, like his thoughts, belonged not to the world of mortals! He was put to death the same day and the Lilliputians who had started the day celebrating, ended the day mourning that such a great philosopher-king could be had no more.
They were sad for that day they had unanimously decided to put to eternal rest the minion of their race.Women were not exterminated. They had to be had, their presence borne, a constant irritant, to be continually suppressed as a reminder that men alone were potent repositories of Good. They still existed- damn them! The Necessary Evils!
May 2006
____________________________________________________________________________
This story was triggered by a newspaper snippet that the King of Saudi Arabia had banned the photos of women from being published in the newspapers. My mother commented that if they could they would ban women’s breathing. The framing narrative is provided by Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels but while Swift was often misogynist I have tried to use his style to satirize 'Phallocentric' discourses and societies and institutes. It is a myth that purdah and other curbs on women don’t exist today- in India too marginalization of women is quite rampant. Their lives are still dictated by traditions that were inimical to women’s freedom. The satire also has strong flavour of Nazism and Carim might remind of Hitler’s speeches. The reference to Adam and Christ is also deliberate because they both spell innocence and chastity to an extent. Also, Adam succumbs to Eve while Christ and Carim set an example that is hard to follow. What makes the story funnier is perhaps the fact that Dan Brown has revealed certain interesting points about Christ’s life in The Da Vinci Code.This fact or fiction, and the attempts to bowdlerize the book again underscore the misogynist nature of Catholicism. The Mohammedan contextualization and the Christian/ Biblical allusions are not inimical. In fact the two together show the trans- cultural attitude towards women. The fact that purdah, literally a curtain is a word that finds a lot of favour in Hindu families that however keep on blaming the Muslim invaders for the cursed tradition but religiously and gladly follow it till date although no actual invader threatens them now. The concept of philosopher- king was proposed by Plato in his book The Republic.
Once upon a time, the chiefs of three Lilliputian kingdoms met. The most just king amongst them was to be chosen. Hundreds and thousands of Lilliputians thronged the stalls eager to catch a glimpse of the royalty. The royal peers followed by their trains entered and the crowds rose to greet them. The heads now seated were called upon one by one to demonstrate how just they were.
King A for Arim chose to speak first. “ I am most just. The proof of a pudding is in the eating. The proof of my justice lies in the fact that the moral character of my men is incorrigible.” The two other monarchs asserted the same thing so it was decided that the merit of policies would supersede the merit of their effect since the effect was more or less the same. All agreed that not the effect but the strength of the cause be considered.
Arim got the chance again, B for Barim and C for Carim followed. Arim said, “ Hear O great Lilliputians! Men you are all and I am glad no women and children are allowed to mar these sacrosanct proceedings!”
He told them how they had inherited the atrocious customs from their forefathers that allowed curtain-clad women to have a narrow strip removed from which their eyes could peep through. “ If you allowed them an inch they’d one day want a mile. Through their eyes the whole world was opened out to them. This could breed dissatisfaction and foment rebellion. Of course! We men are not afraid of that- tantrums thrown out by women could be handled.” Arim was more worried about the impact of narrow strip on men.
“ Some women put kohl in their eyes that lures and misleads men. What’s more there are some that do not wear kohl and hence attract the male attention because men obviously want to know why they had not. They found a hundred thousand ways to arouse the curiosity of men.”
“ In my kingdom I have proclaimed that women who wear the curtain with a slit be beheaded the second time and their eyes be gouged out the first time they commit the sin.” It was found out that there was no second time because the culprits, after the eyes had been gouged out, did not show an inclination to wear the slit, kohl their eyes or look at the world. The end effect is a high national character amongst Ariminians.
Applause reverberated through the arena and refused to die down, till Barim rose to speak. “It is wrong to condemn our forefathers. In fact they struck upon the bright idea to have the women clad in black curtains. It really does curtail to an extent their black magic. However, I do agree with my distinguished friend that loopholes were left.
One such anomaly my friend has taken care of. I wonder how then the custom of having air filters in the purdah still prevails. When air passes through these filters the women behind suck in the air and their chest heaves up- this process of publicly breathing though harmless in men is vicious in women. It immediately arouses the suspicion that ‘some breathing thing’ or ‘some such creature’ is behind the black folds. In my country I have ordered these vile filters to be plugged.” The public sat spellbound admiring the great wit and justness of their leaders. Lilliputs were happy that men of such intelligence were bred among them.
Barim continued, “Not only do we control the breathing of women but we have taken measures so that women are virtually absent from men’s minds. In the kingdom of Barim, my friends, newspapers cannot display the photos of ladies. No excuses are allowed. The other day a press reporter was beaten up because he had the boldness to ask if mama Meresa could feature in the newspapers. Women don’t have to be beauty queens to make men go crazy. All women are alike suspect. Of course! The average Bariminian is the most righteous- quite like Adam before he met Eve.”
C for Carim who had been listening patiently to his peers’ discourses and had throughout been sitting with an amused smile now rose. He stepped up the pedestal and the crowd hung upon his lips. He knew that Arim and Barim were making bold talk, declaring how smart, efficient and just they were but in spite of their claim they had failed to remove the root cause of all evil.
“Gentlemen, like my friends I am happy to see no ladies here. But outside, in the Bazaars, shopping Malls, in the vicinity of places of worship and in our very harems and homes we have to bear with these low creatures. Women! Damn them!! No amount of cloth that goes into making them decent would ensure their character. They’ll never stop misleading men. To save our national characters (and I speak of all the kingdom in lilliputland) we have to take drastic measures. My friends went a few steps but no further. I congratulate them on their achievements but regret that they refused to take the one bold decision that was justly anticipated in their policies. Gentlemen! To ban sieves and filter is not enough; it is not enough to edit out the pictures of the she- devil from newspapers. She is sitting, waiting for you in your very homes.”
He told them how he had left his countrymen in a utopia where men had endless joy. This was because women- the constant source of irritation, the chief cause of man’s transgressions, the only cause of any digression-were removed. “O Lilliputians, Remember! The heart does not grieve over what eyes do not see…a man does not pine over false loves and beauties he never set his eyes upon.” The message was loud and clear: ‘Exterminate all the women’. Carim waited for the applause.
Everybody sat dumbstruck. People forgot to applaud. Arim and Barim whispered in each other’s ears. This was grand. Unconventional! Almost Prophetic! Everything now depended upon the public. They were not fools. The public was no fool. Carim had taken the ideas of the other two to its logical extreme. But…The Public Could Not Digest It.
Carim was crowned the most royal of the kings of Lilliput and most just. When after the public ceremony he said his last prayer he felt like Christ crucified. This grand sire, like his thoughts, belonged not to the world of mortals! He was put to death the same day and the Lilliputians who had started the day celebrating, ended the day mourning that such a great philosopher-king could be had no more.
They were sad for that day they had unanimously decided to put to eternal rest the minion of their race.Women were not exterminated. They had to be had, their presence borne, a constant irritant, to be continually suppressed as a reminder that men alone were potent repositories of Good. They still existed- damn them! The Necessary Evils!
May 2006
____________________________________________________________________________
This story was triggered by a newspaper snippet that the King of Saudi Arabia had banned the photos of women from being published in the newspapers. My mother commented that if they could they would ban women’s breathing. The framing narrative is provided by Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels but while Swift was often misogynist I have tried to use his style to satirize 'Phallocentric' discourses and societies and institutes. It is a myth that purdah and other curbs on women don’t exist today- in India too marginalization of women is quite rampant. Their lives are still dictated by traditions that were inimical to women’s freedom. The satire also has strong flavour of Nazism and Carim might remind of Hitler’s speeches. The reference to Adam and Christ is also deliberate because they both spell innocence and chastity to an extent. Also, Adam succumbs to Eve while Christ and Carim set an example that is hard to follow. What makes the story funnier is perhaps the fact that Dan Brown has revealed certain interesting points about Christ’s life in The Da Vinci Code.This fact or fiction, and the attempts to bowdlerize the book again underscore the misogynist nature of Catholicism. The Mohammedan contextualization and the Christian/ Biblical allusions are not inimical. In fact the two together show the trans- cultural attitude towards women. The fact that purdah, literally a curtain is a word that finds a lot of favour in Hindu families that however keep on blaming the Muslim invaders for the cursed tradition but religiously and gladly follow it till date although no actual invader threatens them now. The concept of philosopher- king was proposed by Plato in his book The Republic.
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