Idioms and Translations

A Rose by any other name: On Translations

Language helps express. Or does it challenge you to express?

Consider translating wit, humour, idiomatic expressions or even abuse across languages.

When Hindi-speakers do not understand something they say ‘This is all Arbi Farsi to me’ or in English ‘This is Greek to me’. Now, Arabic and Persian used to wield a lot of clout in the middle ages in India and they still reign in the Middle East; so with Greek and Latin in the Western part of the world.

Indian children often wonder why in the particular English rhyme Johnny urges the rain to ‘ go away’ and why the little child needs the rain to stop in order to play since as for us we thoroughly enjoyed playing in rain -clogged streets were so welcome then! Later, I came to know that in England there is a constant drizzle and the weather puts off the native English person. How different from Indian ‘malhar’ or songs that beckon ‘megha’!

The equations have changed. Greek is a dead language now and Arabic, Persian, Urdu and Hindi have succumbed under the twin impact of English and Westernization. In past two decades however, changes in India and Indians have been phenomenal. Our sense of time has come closer to what is called a New York Minute and we have been busy shedding our dialect and our idiom both. Technocrats would tell you India is a passé as much as Bharat for this is an age of globalization. ‘Excuse my French!’ is another way of apologizing for indiscreet or deliberate use of offensive words. Now in this idiom the English have been able to have a take on their rivals. Woe of woes that across India people have abandoned Hindi and adopted English as the lingua franca in its stead. But the worst symptom of hegemony of a foreign language comes across in a phrase like ‘Hindi ho gai’. When someone is insulted or an embarrassing situation precipitates this pejorative phrase is often used. There is another phrase that comes as a corollary to the above- ‘Hindi me samjhaon?’ .Now, this is a warning issued to some pig-headed fellow that kicks and punches will follow where words are not enough. Such use of ‘Hindi’ shows the abysses to which the native language has fallen and the extent of our acceptance of English supremacy.

While cultural gaps such as above perplex an oriental reader; there are others that trouble the occidental reader or translator. Susan Bassnett and Harish Trivedi touch upon it when they discuss William Jones’s translation of the Indian poet Kalidasa’s Shakuntala. They observe that the heroine of the play often breaks into sweat, but since in the translator’s cultural paradigm ladies never ‘sweat’ Jones edits out such references that may appear odious to the English reader(In England horses sweat, men perspire and women glow).

There is an Italian saying ‘traduttore traditore’ the literal rendering in English for which is ‘translator, traitor’ and that hints at the ‘untranslatability’ of the original and even highlights the loss or distortion of meaning in the process or greater still it actually blames the translator rather than just the process of change(See Wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Untranslatability )

To illustrate consider the word ‘sahib”. Why do Oriental scholars not replace the exotic ‘sahib’ with plain English ‘Sir’? The word ‘sahib’ is supposed to highlight native servility as opposed to ‘sir’ which is a term of respect that is given as a title merited by excellence. So, in the orientalist discourse while the ‘borrowing’ indicates hierarchy based on racial superiority, the other hints at the merit of a person. The oriental scholar forgets to tell you that ‘sahib’ was a word used by the natives to address people belonging to ‘suvarn’ classes or privileged caste or rich men. There is no especially racist connotation to the term.

A spade is called a spade in some languages and dialects – English and Sanskrit do not allow for such irreverence. The idiolect and irreverence of Haryanvi would lend humour to the flattest piece of writing. It is a zing vernacular. In one of his witty takes Deswal writes, “See you!” can be dangerous in Haryanvi, although it is a farewell note on happy parting. It is nobody’s guess that humour and ‘dare’ would be gained when translating into Haryanvi.

An Indian mother-in-law would outdo any other in the ugliness of her temper. Think of the idiom ‘Gur meetha , ghee cheekna; Bahu ke haath mein ke doon’. Jaggery is sweet, Butter is sticky(slippery(sic)) what could I give to my daughter-in-law? Here the very qualities that make these things desirable make them a taboo gift for the bride. Can a ‘mother-in-law’ ever match up to the stature of the matchless indigenous ‘saas’? I am reminded of the movie ‘monster-in-law’a romantic comedy by Robert Luketic. As with the roses so with the thorns.

It is interesting to note that in olden days the word ‘kod’ was used to denote ‘bribe’. The word ‘kod’ stands for ‘leprosy’ in Hindi. When a person used to take bribe, he was condemned of accepting ‘kod’ a contagious disease of abominable nature. The disease itself was considered incurable and the patient was excommunicated. If today, the word is revived, people may be more ashamed of taking money underhand as ‘rishvat’ does not evoke the same feelings as ‘kod’ does.

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet says Shakespeare-but visit an Indian garden and you will know that the Indian rose is not quite like the English rose- one is subtle and the other intoxicating, a ‘Gulab’ with its wild, heady perfume would smell sweeter. A rose is a rose, is a rose but an English rose is not quite the same as Indian ‘gulab’.

Now, consider the phenomenal song ‘Kolaveri di’ which is something like kitsch in lyrics. The deliberately slang and faulty English and despite the unintelligibility of the southern Indian language the song has become as much a rage in Northern India. From where does the song get its appeal? From the rhythm- the words that best suited the rhythm were used at the right place. But most importantly, English words were modulated to Indian music and had a pronounced South Indian accent.

Hindi is a rich language and has a store of words packed with culture. But it would be foolhardy to advocate a pristine Hindi- Hindi itself being a conglomerate of dialects and languages from Sanskrit to Urdu to Brij and Haryanvi. Translations across cultures ensure life to a language. Certain puns and jokes are enjoyed only by bilingual people. My little kids are described as ‘hil-arious’ by my brother-in-law Jeetender Gupta not just because of their pranks or comic behavior but because they cannot sit still-‘hilte-dolte rehte hain’.

Thanks All!

Gandhi’s Great Losses: Subhas Chandra Bose, Ambedkar, Sir Chhoturam and ‘Frontier’ Gandhi

Gandhi made freedom a buzzword among the Indian people and demonstrated that subtle courage could shame the aggressor. However, he tested popular commitment through constant disappointments, like calling off agitations just when they were at their peak and staying passive when it would be expected of him to react. 

Gandhi banked on public opinion, national and international, but he had the uncanny determination to overlook the opinion of the marginalized people even when he claimed to be their representative. This was the common complaint of some great contemporaries of Gandhi who broke away from him due to ideological differences. 

Hindu Mahasabha and Muslim League became strong where Gandhi’s Congress became weak; Jinnah and his kin became strong where Gandhi lost Subhash Chandra Bose, Ambedkar, Chhoturam, and ultimately Khan Abdul Gaffar Khan. Certain historical episodes are underpinned by an apprehension that though Gandhi banked upon the support of the masses and villagers, and ran emancipation programmes for the harijans, he really cared for the industrialist and upper classes; he derived his strength from the masses but he favoured a small elite clique to whose desires the masses could be sacrificed.

The partition certainly dulled the aura he exuded and if he is to be credited with Indian independence can he be exonerated with the discredit of the partition: how could a man be so powerful and so helpless at one and the same time? Gandhi could sacrifice the nation to his principles -therein lay the seeds of Mahatma-hood and those principles to his dotage- therein lay the fallibility of a human.

Introduction

Gandhi gave a massive base to the freedom movement by unifying the masses under the banner of swadesi and giving them the more accessible weapon of ahimsa or non-violence. He told them that freedom could be got in a humble way.

Gandhi came up with ways of protest that were radical and relatively less tested and tried. In Indian context the experiments proved quite successful. He relied on the beneficence of the English in making his programmes succeed.

 Gandhi had many constructive programmes under his sleeves and these worked to unify the masses- he had simple ideas that could work wonders in a nation that had limited resources. His teachings worked well in times of relative peace, strict surveillance and administrative hold but when the crisis of 1947 precipitated (this was not sudden or unexpected) the moral could not hold against the infernal tide of the times set in motion by Gandhi and his band of followers. 

He wanted freedom and dignity as an Indian, secured and administered by the British. However, the Rajaji formula took Gandhi’s earlier experiments beyond its limit manifest as an ‘exchange of populations’ it proved to be a scourge for the nation and could not be monitored as Gandhi had irrationally(but may be true to his philosophy) hoped. Many leaders criticized Gandhi for dissimulating ignorance with regards to the bifurcation when the adverse consequences were all too predictable and in fact ‘Mountbatten Plan’ was called ‘Gandhi Plan’ by Lord Mountbatten himself.

There is inexplicable demonstration of haste in succumbing to Jinnah’s demands and Nehru’s ambition to head the respective parts they claimed. Gandhi seldom carried out his threats to the finale including his assertion that to build Pakistan he had to be destroyed first. C Rajgopalachari, Gandhi’s acolyte proposed the ‘two -nation’ theory towing Jinnah’s line. There is inexplicable demonstration of haste in succumbing to Jinnah’s demands and Nehru’s ambition to head the respective parts they claimed.

There was no consideration of masses that had placed their faith in the existing regional stalwarts and in Gandhi, not the two doyens Gandhi promoted. Punjab, Bengal, and the North-West Frontier Province were the provinces affected most by the vivisection. It is an irony that in fact it was the people of these two regions who had played the most active part in the nationalist struggle and it was these regions where Congress had never had a majority and perhaps, did not mind sacrificing to Muslim League. Muslim League, like Congress, was in minority here, but could justify their claims to Congress and British who were eager to resolve the issue but not the problem. 

Both Nehru and Jinnah were thoroughly anglicized men and had only political connections with the grassroots. The British, Congress, Muslim League and their active heads were least concerned about the imminent violence that stared the people in their faces and more keen on sorting out personal ego–issues.

Gandhi’s consent to partition was a great shock Khan Abdul Ghaffar Khan, the ‘Frontier Gandhi’ as Gandhi utterly undermined Ghaffar’s concerns in submitting NWFP to Jinnah’s charge.

After this decision, it was little surprise that Gandhi chose the riot affected Noakhali and not Punjab for his rescue mission. The masses had been sacrificed and they read it as a betrayal because the self-same Gandhi who had earlier asked them to bear the arms to assist the British, now asked them to surrender without complaint to a cruel neighbour. They could not understand why the motto of non-violence was always preached to the victim and never the perpetrator.

Zulus, Jews and now Punjabis had been alienated by his discourse or at least the importune moment of the discourse. What pretext was there to justify aggression and action when it was made on the side of the British and why this consistent lack of chastisement to Muslims and call to remain uncomplaining to Hindus? This inequity of treatment stressed a distinction between Hindus and Sikhs and Muslims which he should have desisted from. He should have spoken about humanity and underlined their common race, but he used community specific words and addressed them differently.

There are incongruities in his application of the principles: he seems to be too steadfast to morality in some contexts and takes a complete u-turn in other scenarios. His definitions of the same principles are sometimes employed to justify contrary stands: Zulu suppression, Gandhi-Irwin pact, Gandhi’s active support of the British in their war recruitment drive during the World Wars; lack of concern for the fate of Bhagat Singh and his friends; pacification of Jinnah with a handful of Muslims at his back; seeming support to sectarian Muslims in partition riots and a beleaguered Pakistan in the aftermath of partition.

His admiration of the English sometimes smacks of racism when he issues myopic statements about the humanitarian mission of the civilizing British. Gandhi knew he could make the nation dance to his tune and he understood where the British may perceive him as a threat and where an ally. Civil Disobedience movement was convened and called off in the consideration of a stray violent event to the disappointment of the people and the relief of the British.

Subhash Chandra Bose despite his election as a president of Congress had to resign as he could sense the overt and covert resistance that Gandhi offered to his programmes. He was forced to part ways and INA was the fortunate product of this parting of ways. The lore has it that had Gandhi supported INA rather than the British Army, India would have won a martial victory during the Second world war. Bose was a better leader and administrator than Nehru it was always felt.

Gandhi was a conservative who believed in a tolerant, humanitarian and all inclusive hierarchy. He believed in accommodation but not in segregation, while Ambedkar advocated recognition of what the post-structuralist critique will endorse as ‘difference’ and ‘otherness’ and independent status of the depressed classes. Ambedkar’s view was that the vested interests of the outcastes differed from those of caste Hindus so Ambedkar demanded a distinct political status for the marginalized. Gandhi wanted to subsume them in the Hindu fold and was against a radical challenge to the Varna system- he endorsed Varna and its inherent hierarchy.

Gandhi was a past master in political stunts- he understood the power of the metaphor. He had agitprop weapons at his disposal that he could use in intelligent combinations to convey the importance he attached to a certain issue and could maneuver realities through symbolic actions: silent vows, hartals, hunger strikes, civil disobedience and non- cooperation worked for him. Gandhi had the whole nation at his beck and call and he did not shy away from testing this allegiance. His timing and choice was deliberate and significantly affected the outcome: against the partition of India he chose not to speak and he did not go on a hunger strike; against the aggression initiated by the Pakistani Muslim’s on their fleeing Hindu brethren he took a silence vow but he would not go on a hunger strike either; if , however, it was to protest against attacks on Muslims he could go on hunger strike and speak strongly against it; if it was a protest for immediate payment of financial share to Pakistan (even when the fledgling state was planning to wage a war o India ) he would again go on a hunger strike (and not silence vow) in which he could stress his demand to satisfy Pakistan. Gandhi’s decisions were conscientiously taken as could use silence as a weapon when he chose and desist from its use when he willed. The specific junctures where he chose to remain silent and abstained from food influenced the course of modern Indian history.

A great detractor, but necessarily obliterated from dominant historical discourse was Sir Chhoturam. Chhoturam hailed from a peasant family and grew up to be a messiah for the farmer in Punjab struggling under the twin assault of money lenders and the Raj. He had established the Congress at Rohtak in 1916 but split his way in 1923 after voicing reservations to a partial non-cooperation movement that he felt severely compromised the interests of the peasants. In those days, non-payment of taxes led to an usurpation of the farmer’s property by the government that usually auctioned it off to prosperous bidders.Gandhi refused to involve mill-owners, traders and money-lenders in the movement who would directly benefit from the punishment met out to the protesting farmers. He presaged an unsuccessful movement demaning farmers to be the sacrificial lambs and was against it- he felt that Gandhi protected and furthered the financial interests of the native exploiters and rich classes by not soliciting their support to the nationalist cause.

Sir Chhoturam, the doyen of Unionist Party, formed the provincial government in Punjab before partition and that was hugely popular in pre-partition Punjab. Chhoturam wrote a long letter to Gandhi criticizing his patronage to the CR formula and warned him about the prospective horrors that lay waiting for common people if credit was given to such a thesis as proposed therein. Here is an abridged translation of the letter:

The idea of mass exchange of population in the CR formulas is sheer madness. A large chunk of Muslims would be left in the Hindvi India and similarly, a great populace of Hindus would be left in Pakistani India. In this way the CR formula would not be able to meet out even the basic division of population on communal basis. It is not a solution, nor does this formula resolve the political deadlock. This formula in very near future is going to inflate the communal problem and entangle further the present conundrum.

Mr Jinnah would not accept this formula, even if it is partially altered. As it gives a strong basis to build the communalism claim on, he will use the formula and its other version to negotiate a better deal for the Muslim League.

If as proposed in this regard the mandate is reserved for one community with an exclusion of the rest, you would agree with me that it will be the last nail in the coffin of nationalism. In its present form the formula naturally creates segregation and the discrimination therein angers the non-Muslims of Punjab and Bengal.

Objections:

The formula presumes Jinnah’s contention that Hindus and Muslims are a separate race.

It is implicit in the formula that ‘dharma’ or religion which is a private issue and concerns the soul can be a basis of a Nation State, whereas in contemporary times the States are formed on secular lines.

· It has a covert text that majority religion should own the state and that minorities would have a subnational status.

· In Rajaji’s opinion Bengal’s Hindus and Punjab’s Hindus and Sikhs have been treated as movable property that could be bartered as per the wishes of the decision-makers.

· If Pakistan comes into existence Punjab and Bengal would be severely and immediately affected. Before ‘inventing’ it and prior to putting it before Jinnah for approval tha opinion and consensus of the people of these provinces was not taken and no discussion was held with them on this issue.

The proposal creates a life and death situation for Punjab’s people and those who have put this question to Jinnah may be very honourable men but they know little of the evils of a religious state.

This formula conbsiders Jinnah as the sole representative of the Muslims and ignores those Muslims who have steadily supported Congress during worst communal ordeals, it leaves them to the mercy of wolves.

Consequences:

It will have far-reaching adverse effects:

1. This formula has been proposed at a time when Jinnah’s influence over Punjab and Kashmir has been severely undermined. It gives a new lease of life to him and buttresses his falling fortunes.

2.It disappoints non-communal people.

Conclusion:

You have accepted the wrong solution to the problem. It stems from hopelessness and partiality and it hardly gives a sufficient cause to be relieved from British sovereignty. Your excitement to get rid of the British raj is commendable but you are subject to self-deception. This chosen way would help the British scheme for leaving the nation in doldrums. In return, India would come in the intolerant grip of religious apparatus.

The solution does not conform to your theory of satyagraha.

Sir Chhoturam recommended that Jinnah should be discouraged and delineated a strategy whereby this could be successfully done, namely, asking him to give a well- defined socio-economic programme for the new proposed state of Pakistan; people’s feelings given due weightage; Indian strategic response discouraging those who opt for Pakistan. He asked for politics based on economic interests and giving up of Pacifist practices.

Chhoturam started a blitzkrieg campaign to sensitize people against the scourge of communal rift, he died in 1945 and India never woke up from the nightmare of communal hatred after his untimely demise.

There was also a man who never complained but whom Gandhi utterly disregarded in his haste to satisfy Jinnah’s ambition.This was Frontier Gandhi of the Pathans who now turned against their beloved leader as they felt deceived and subordinated to Jinnah. The sacrifices of the Pakhtoons and Khan Abdul Gaffar Khan were taken for granted as they became a part of the partition deal.

Congress acted with opportunism unexpected from a nationalist party and Gandhi became a reticent guide in the crisis that demanded greater participation and concern. His greatness can be assessed in the terms of the great men and moments he lost. Gandhi’s successes presage the success of India and his failings have become the failures of the nation: they explain the Indian national character. Truly, he is the father of the nation

Works Cited

Azad, Maulana Abul Kalam. India Wins Freedom. Orient Longman: New Delhi.1988

Chandra , Bipin. Modern India: A History Textbook for Class XII. NCERT: New Delhi.1990

Chaudhury, PC Roy. Gandhi and His Contemporaries. Sterling Publishers: New Delhi.1972

Collins, Larry and Dominique Lapierre.Freedom at Midnight.Vikas Pulication: New Delhi. 1976

Fischer, Louis. The Life of Mahatma Gandhi.Granada: London, Toronto, Sydney, New York.1982

Nirmohi, DeepChandra. Chhoturam ki Kranti Yatra.Sahitya Upkrama: Delhi.2007

Reddy, Krishna. Indian History. Tata Mc Graw-Hill: New Delhi.2003

Story on Gender Bias: Fantastic

Once upon a time in milknhoneyland lived boys and girls who fed on milk and honey and kissed flowers, birds, beasts and all that they found adorable. They never were people but always boys n girls. Lilliputs were wary of these neighbours who were entirely uncivilized and refused to ever grow up. The lilliputs thought of invading these barbarians many times. This time they had a good plan…

A girl named kiss-me-quick went for a walk one day. She picked up cherries and other wild berries and put them in her basket. Suddenly she stumbled upon something and fell down. She stood up but her knees were scratched. She was about to cry but her eyes fell upon a parcel that was wound around by a ring of roses. She was delighted to see such a pretty packet. She looked around for a possible owner but was mesmerized to find scribbled in tiniest little hand these words: “Congratulations! You are the possible winner of a return ticket to “Heavenever land”. Kiss- me- quick put the hamper in her basket and hurriedly retraced her steps to home.” Once home she made herself a milk n honey drink.

Her bed was cozy but she didn’t want to sleep just then. She unwrapped the parcel and discovered a booklet inside. The cover was rich red and on it were these gold engraved letters: You are the chosen one. Immediately she sat up in the bed. She turned a leaf and her enthusiasm was not a bit dampened to read: Conditions Apply. She thought she could manage it; besides her desire to visit heaven- ever was great. “ It must be nice there!” thought kiss- me- quick. “ I am bored of milkn honey… I am becoming chubbier by the day… I need a change!” said she. She turned to the next page- an elaborate map presented itself to her- on the lower edge she read, “ THIS IS Your Destiny”. So many lines criss- crossed. It was really hard to read her destiny. But the map jumped out of the book and spoke to her. “Kiss- me- quick. Try me out!”
“ How?” asked Kiss- me- quick.
“Look at me carefully. What do you see?”
“ Now that you have told me I see trees, birds, babies, boys, girls, pretty things, jewels, dresses and treasure troves inside”.
“ Well then! I am a live map and you can break or build your destiny now.”
“ Really! How?”
“ Well! You just have to make the correct choices. Make the right moves.”
“ How’ll I know what is right?”
Tired at this cross- questioning and embarrassed by its limited knowledge the map replied: “ Well! I don’t know much about right or wrong… I am simply a map… but I can tell you all the rules…” said the map a bit offended, a bit irritated. It was going to say, “Why don’t you go and ask the Lilliputs themselves!” but it held its tongue.
“Well tell me the rules then”.
“ There is only one rule which is that if you make the wrong choices your bin of blunders keeps on growing but if you choose the correct alternative then your bin of wonders may fill and you would then be able to make the trip to Heaven- ever that would change your life.”
This time the map was happy to be able to deliver such a long speech full of good advice to this clueless little girl.
Kiss- me- quick was a bit circumspect but she said “Okay! I’ll try”.
“Go on then. All the best”
“ I believe I can make my destiny”, said kiss- me- quick hopefully.
She again looked at its features. Strewn inside were many objects: broken hearts, mended hearts, kisses stolen, kisses sent, some kisses were flying about, some were planted on cheeks of babies, boys and girls.

She entered the wilderness and was happy to find a pot full of kisses all by itself. “Looks like a good sign! I can’t believe my good luck.” She pocketed a few and rest she passed on to the flowers and butterflies. She felt in a light mood and very soon she had traversed the whole map. At the end of the road she found a signboard declaring in big bold letters: “HEAVENNEVER”. She was on cloud 9 and her happiness knew no bounds but “WAIT!” She read again. HEAVEN NEVER. O no! She had lost her way. How could this be? Throughout she had kept her heart of gold and had never been stingy in sharing treasure pots when she found them.
“ Don’t lose heart,” she reminded herself. She looked to check the bin of wonders- It was EMPTY. Hesitantly and knowing the answer well she checked the bin of blunders- It was FULL and overflowing. It seemed that all the kisses had added to the bin of blunders. “Why were the kisses scoring for the bin of blunders?” She was puzzled and lost.
“ Lost…lost…lost I am lost forever in Heavennever”
“ But you needn’t worry that much”, said a voice.
Nobody was around. She was alone.
“ You are not alone.”
The voice was quite close to her.
“ Don’t be so annoyed with me”. It was the map.
“ Go away. Because of you I lost milknhoney land.”
“ Not at all. You are still there. That was just virtual reality. Look around you.”
True. She was still in milknhoney and glad to be where she was.
“ This was a Real Time Experience. You can improve upon it.”
“Never. I do not like the game.”
“ You QUIT then?”
She didn’t want to hear anymore of heavennever or for that matter of heavenever either.
She did not feel like a loser and the jibes of the map had little impact on her. The book fell from Kiss- me- quick’s hands onto the quilt and she was fast asleep. In her dreams the map was trying to tell her something but it was inaudible. He pointed towards a key on which something was engraved but it was invisible or atleast blurred.” But after a few days her curiosity got the better of her. That day as twilight fell the gold on the book glittered with renewed lighting: “To the chosen one”. Kiss- me- quick was still mystified and she wanted to know why her quest lead to nowhere or heavennever and not heavenever. The answer lay somewhere within this book. Eve alone had been tempted so by the apple on the tree and so was Kiss- me- quick now. She snatched the book and in one go her resolve of days went up in smoke.

Story Appeal for Ethnic Harmony: Inspired by Tale of Tub

A Tale of Two Tubs

From all that has gone before you would think that Lilliputians were all alike. This however is not true- they were alike only in that they all disliked women- they were united by this common hatred against Lilliputian females, but their unity ended just there and the differences appeared grotesque from there on. The differences could be deduced from their dresses- in fact there was a common saying amongst them: a man’s dress is a map of his mind. Another version of the same was “the hair on the head, the vest on the chest are pigmented by the gene pool in the cell”. The meaning of these wise quotes of lilliput folks would be made clear in a while. For lilliputs it was birth determined that women wore/were black curtains. Similarly, other sartorial laws were so strictly followed that the habit looked not just like a Lilliputian habit but inherited property. Lilliputs called their sartorial laws as Sartorlillys – the sartorlillys were responsible for the many colour that lilliputs sported. The lilliput world would have been black and bleak but for these sartorlillies. A riot of colours occurred from time to time when vested interests rose to extreme. Lilliputs on such days wre dressed to kill. This riot featured tearing the vests or chopping and snipping off of hair of the other sects. There were those lilliputs who wore green vests and those who wore Orange vests: saffron and green were considered natural colours by those who had the particular vests. Newborns in Lilliputland were baptized either in the tub containing green waters or in the tub of orange juices The oranges, however, thought that greens were fake and vice versa. Among the greens there were two shades and one shade always asserted originality claiming that there was neither the need nor desire for any derivatives- “ Colour was one they claimed”…. “Green was the only true colour”. “The ‘such n such’ shade of the green was the only true colour and no other”. They wanted the whole lilliputland to be green- the Wizard of Oz being inspired by them had tried building an emerald city but after a while he gave up upon it and settled for green goggles for the inhabitants, the visitors and himself”. The Lilliputian had never read of Oz but Oz had heard of them form Gulliver who wrote the great Gulliver’s Travels. The Orange lovers were different –while greens wanted all to wear their specific green the Oranges wanted only a handful to wear the specific Orange; they wanted the rest to be called Orange- deprived. They had a theory which was that Orange people were of four types – type1 could wear orange, type 2 and 3 could sit with orange- wearers and share some glory, type 3 could only adore type 1,2,3 from a distance and wait till next time. If they waited well upon them the next time could approach sometime. True many people like chameleons to suit their self also changed colours after conversion ceremonies also known as vest “dyeing” functions, but throughout they were dubbed turncoats and their new vests always had some vestiges of the old one which they couldn’t properly disown.
There were other colours of which Red most stood out- this acquired colour had the patronage of whosoever had nothing more than a vest or else “no hidden chest within the vest”- the reds believed that everybody should have equal sized chests or no chests at all.There were those that went around with no clothing on- these were the lowest of low creatures as they refused to fit into any vest available to them- obviously they were called misfits or social activists. They were so confused that they didn’t know which colour to wear although their birth left nothing to doubt. They were too much hot in the brain, so much so that they tore away their clothes themselves. This heretic and nudist sect asserted, “ the vests were borrowed but Lilliputians were born alike naked.” They talked about lilliputanity, which they said was superior to any colour but nobody bothered much about what they said. This ‘lilliputanity’ has over the ages rightly become a term of abuse. This quite irrelevant way of thinking, dressing or rather pretext for undressing, even then, did not find much favour with the true philosophers of lilliputland. Not withstanding the hullabuloo created by lilliputanity sects colour riots were run.After colour riots the laundry men and dyers on engaged sides would come and take charge of the streets. Lilliputs knew it well that spilt blood always turned red and black after a while, so it was the practice of Lilliputian dyers and launderers, after every colour riot to restore the original colour by dyeing it in the same. It is a shame that we have learnt nothing so far and we let the same red blood of humanity appear on the streets while being aware that the true colour was never red but some other and only and original colour of which properly speaking no other complement exists. Let our dyers procure the two tubs talked about our confusions would be clarified a little.

Story Appeal for Ethnic Harmony: Inspired by Tale of Tub

A Tale of Two Tubs

From all that has gone before you would think that Lilliputians were all alike. This however is not true- they were alike only in that they all disliked women- they were united by this common hatred against Lilliputian females, but their unity ended just there and the differences appeared grotesque from there on.

The differences could be deduced from their dresses- in fact there was a common saying amongst them: a man’s dress is a map of his mind. Another version of the same was “the hair on the head, the vest on the chest are pigmented by the gene pool in the cell”.

The meaning of these wise quotes of lilliput folks would be made clear in a while. For lilliputs it was birth determined that women wore/were black curtains. Similarly, other sartorial laws were so strictly followed that the habit looked not just like a Lilliputian habit but inherited property. Lilliputs called their sartorial laws as Sartorlillys – the sartorlillys were responsible for the many colour that lilliputs sported. The lilliput world would have been black and bleak but for these sartorlillies.

A riot of colours occurred from time to time when vested interests rose to extreme. Lilliputs on such days were 'dressed to kill'. This riot featured tearing the vests or chopping and snipping off of hair of the other sects. There were those lilliputs who wore green vests and those who wore Orange vests: saffron and green were considered natural colours by those who had the particular vests.

Newborns in Lilliputland were baptized either in the tub containing green waters or in the tub of orange juices The oranges, however, thought that greens were fake and vice versa. Among the greens there were two shades and one shade always asserted originality claiming that there was neither the need nor desire for any derivatives- “ Colour was one they claimed”…. “Green was the only true colour”. “The ‘such n such’ shade of the green was the only true colour and no other”. They wanted the whole lilliputland to be green- the Wizard of Oz being inspired by them had tried building an emerald city but after a while he gave up upon it and settled for green goggles for the inhabitants, the visitors and himself”.

The Lilliputian had never read of Oz but Oz had heard of them form Gulliver who wrote the great Gulliver’s Travels. The Orange lovers were different –while greens wanted all to wear their specific green the Oranges wanted only a handful to wear the specific Orange; they wanted the rest to be called Orange- deprived. They had a theory which was that Orange people were of four types – type1 could wear orange, type 2 and 3 could sit with orange- wearers and share some glory, type 3 could only adore type 1,2,3 from a distance and wait till next time. If they waited well upon them the next time could approach sometime. True many people like chameleons to suit their self also changed colours after conversion ceremonies also known as vest “dyeing” functions, but throughout they were dubbed turncoats and their new vests always had some vestiges of the old one which they couldn’t properly disown.

There were other colours of which Red most stood out- this acquired colour had the patronage of whosoever had nothing more than a vest or else “no hidden chest within the vest”- the reds believed that everybody should have equal sized chests or no chests at all.

There were those that went around with no clothing on- these were the lowest of low creatures as they refused to fit into any vest available to them- obviously they were called misfits or social activists. They were so confused that they didn’t know which colour to wear although their birth left nothing to doubt. They were too much hot in the brain, so much so that they tore away their clothes themselves. This heretic and nudist sect asserted, “ the vests were borrowed but Lilliputians were born alike naked.” They talked about lilliputanity, which they said was superior to any colour but nobody bothered much about what they said. This ‘lilliputanity’ has over the ages rightly become a term of abuse. This quite irrelevant way of thinking, dressing or rather pretext for undressing, even then, did not find much favour with the true philosophers of lilliputland. Not withstanding the hullabuloo created by lilliputanity sects colour riots were run.

After colour riots the laundry men and dyers on engaged sides would come and take charge of the streets. Lilliputs knew it well that spilt blood always turned red and black after a while, so it was the practice of Lilliputian dyers and launderers, after every colour riot to restore the original colour by dyeing it in the same.

It is a shame that we have learnt nothing so far and we let the same red blood of humanity appear on the streets while being aware that the true colour was never red but some other and only and original colour of which properly speaking no other complement exists. Let our dyers procure the two tubs talked about our confusions would be clarified a little.

A Parody Inspired by Gulliver's Travels

Arim, Barim and Carim : An Absurd Tale from the Land of Lilliputs

Once upon a time, the chiefs of three Lilliputian kingdoms met. The most just king amongst them was to be chosen. Hundreds and thousands of Lilliputians thronged the stalls eager to catch a glimpse of the royalty. The royal peers followed by their trains entered and the crowds rose to greet them. The heads now seated were called upon one by one to demonstrate how just they were.

King A for Arim chose to speak first. “ I am most just. The proof of a pudding is in the eating. The proof of my justice lies in the fact that the moral character of my men is incorrigible.” The two other monarchs asserted the same thing so it was decided that the merit of policies would supersede the merit of their effect since the effect was more or less the same. All agreed that not the effect but the strength of the cause be considered.

Arim got the chance again, B for Barim and C for Carim followed. Arim said, “ Hear O great Lilliputians! Men you are all and I am glad no women and children are allowed to mar these sacrosanct proceedings!”

He told them how they had inherited the atrocious customs from their forefathers that allowed curtain-clad women to have a narrow strip removed from which their eyes could peep through. “ If you allowed them an inch they’d one day want a mile. Through their eyes the whole world was opened out to them. This could breed dissatisfaction and foment rebellion. Of course! We men are not afraid of that- tantrums thrown out by women could be handled.” Arim was more worried about the impact of narrow strip on men.

 “ Some women put kohl in their eyes that lures and misleads men. What’s more there are some that do not wear kohl and hence attract the male attention because men obviously want to know why they had not. They found a hundred thousand ways to arouse the curiosity of men.”

 “ In my kingdom I have proclaimed that women who wear the curtain with a slit be beheaded the second time and their eyes be gouged out the first time they commit the sin.” It was found out that there was no second time because the culprits, after the eyes had been gouged out, did not show an inclination to wear the slit, kohl their eyes or look at the world. The end effect is a high national character amongst Ariminians.

Applause reverberated through the arena and refused to die down, till Barim rose to speak. “It is wrong to condemn our forefathers. In fact they struck upon the bright idea to have the women clad in black curtains. It really does curtail to an extent their black magic. However, I do agree with my distinguished friend that loopholes were left.

One such anomaly my friend has taken care of. I wonder how then the custom of having air filters in the purdah still prevails. When air passes through these filters the women behind suck in the air and their chest heaves up- this process of publicly breathing though harmless in men is vicious in women. It immediately arouses the suspicion that ‘some breathing thing’ or ‘some such creature’ is behind the black folds. In my country I have ordered these vile filters to be plugged.” The public sat spellbound admiring the great wit and justness of their leaders. Lilliputs were happy that men of such intelligence were bred among them.

Barim continued, “Not only do we control the breathing of women but we have taken measures so that women are virtually absent from men’s minds. In the kingdom of Barim, my friends, newspapers cannot display the photos of ladies. No excuses are allowed. The other day a press reporter was beaten up because he had the boldness to ask if mama Meresa could feature in the newspapers. Women don’t have to be beauty queens to make men go crazy. All women are alike suspect. Of course! The average Bariminian is the most righteous- quite like Adam before he met Eve.”

C for Carim who had been listening patiently to his peers’ discourses and had throughout been sitting with an amused smile now rose. He stepped up the pedestal and the crowd hung upon his lips. He knew that Arim and Barim were making bold talk, declaring how smart, efficient and just they were but in spite of their claim they had failed to remove the root cause of all evil.

“Gentlemen, like my friends I am happy to see no ladies here. But outside, in the Bazaars, shopping Malls, in the vicinity of places of worship and in our very harems and homes we have to bear with these low creatures. Women! Damn them!! No amount of cloth that goes into making them decent would ensure their character. They’ll never stop misleading men. To save our national characters (and I speak of all the kingdom in lilliputland) we have to take drastic measures. My friends went a few steps but no further. I congratulate them on their achievements but regret that they refused to take the one bold decision that was justly anticipated in their policies. Gentlemen! To ban sieves and filter is not enough; it is not enough to edit out the pictures of the she- devil from newspapers. She is sitting, waiting for you in your very homes.”

He told them how he had left his countrymen in a utopia where men had endless joy. This was because women- the constant source of irritation, the chief cause of man’s transgressions, the only cause of any digression-were removed. “O Lilliputians, Remember! The heart does not grieve over what eyes do not see…a man does not pine over false loves and beauties he never set his eyes upon.” The message was loud and clear: ‘Exterminate all the women’. Carim waited for the applause.

Everybody sat dumbstruck. People forgot to applaud. Arim and Barim whispered in each other’s ears. This was grand. Unconventional! Almost Prophetic! Everything now depended upon the public. They were not fools. The public was no fool. Carim had taken the ideas of the other two to its logical extreme. But…The Public Could Not Digest It.

Carim was crowned the most royal of the kings of Lilliput and most just. When after the public ceremony he said his last prayer he felt like Christ crucified. This grand sire, like his thoughts, belonged not to the world of mortals! He was put to death the same day and the Lilliputians who had started the day celebrating, ended the day mourning that such a great philosopher-king could be had no more.

They were sad for that day they had unanimously decided to put to eternal rest the minion of their race.Women were not exterminated. They had to be had, their presence borne, a constant irritant, to be continually suppressed as a reminder that men alone were potent repositories of Good. They still existed- damn them! The Necessary Evils!

May 2006



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This story was triggered by a newspaper snippet that the King of Saudi Arabia had banned the photos of women from being published in the newspapers. My mother commented that if they could they would ban women’s breathing. The framing narrative is provided by Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels but while Swift was often misogynist I have tried to use his style to satirize 'Phallocentric' discourses and societies and institutes. It is a myth that purdah and other curbs on women don’t exist today- in India too marginalization of women is quite rampant. Their lives are still dictated by traditions that were inimical to women’s freedom. The satire also has strong flavour of Nazism and Carim might remind of Hitler’s speeches. The reference to Adam and Christ is also deliberate because they both spell innocence and chastity to an extent. Also, Adam succumbs to Eve while Christ and Carim set an example that is hard to follow. What makes the story funnier is perhaps the fact that Dan Brown has revealed certain interesting points about Christ’s life in The Da Vinci Code.This fact or fiction, and the attempts to bowdlerize the book again underscore the misogynist nature of Catholicism. The Mohammedan contextualization and the Christian/ Biblical allusions are not inimical. In fact the two together show the trans- cultural attitude towards women. The fact that purdah, literally a curtain is a word that finds a lot of favour in Hindu families that however keep on blaming the Muslim invaders for the cursed tradition but religiously and gladly follow it till date although no actual invader threatens them now. The concept of philosopher- king was proposed by Plato in his book The Republic.