Story on Gender Bias: Fantastic

Once upon a time in milknhoneyland lived boys and girls who fed on milk and honey and kissed flowers, birds, beasts and all that they found adorable. They never were people but always boys n girls. Lilliputs were wary of these neighbours who were entirely uncivilized and refused to ever grow up. The lilliputs thought of invading these barbarians many times. This time they had a good plan…

A girl named kiss-me-quick went for a walk one day. She picked up cherries and other wild berries and put them in her basket. Suddenly she stumbled upon something and fell down. She stood up but her knees were scratched. She was about to cry but her eyes fell upon a parcel that was wound around by a ring of roses. She was delighted to see such a pretty packet. She looked around for a possible owner but was mesmerized to find scribbled in tiniest little hand these words: “Congratulations! You are the possible winner of a return ticket to “Heavenever land”. Kiss- me- quick put the hamper in her basket and hurriedly retraced her steps to home.” Once home she made herself a milk n honey drink.

Her bed was cozy but she didn’t want to sleep just then. She unwrapped the parcel and discovered a booklet inside. The cover was rich red and on it were these gold engraved letters: You are the chosen one. Immediately she sat up in the bed. She turned a leaf and her enthusiasm was not a bit dampened to read: Conditions Apply. She thought she could manage it; besides her desire to visit heaven- ever was great. “ It must be nice there!” thought kiss- me- quick. “ I am bored of milkn honey… I am becoming chubbier by the day… I need a change!” said she. She turned to the next page- an elaborate map presented itself to her- on the lower edge she read, “ THIS IS Your Destiny”. So many lines criss- crossed. It was really hard to read her destiny. But the map jumped out of the book and spoke to her. “Kiss- me- quick. Try me out!”
“ How?” asked Kiss- me- quick.
“Look at me carefully. What do you see?”
“ Now that you have told me I see trees, birds, babies, boys, girls, pretty things, jewels, dresses and treasure troves inside”.
“ Well then! I am a live map and you can break or build your destiny now.”
“ Really! How?”
“ Well! You just have to make the correct choices. Make the right moves.”
“ How’ll I know what is right?”
Tired at this cross- questioning and embarrassed by its limited knowledge the map replied: “ Well! I don’t know much about right or wrong… I am simply a map… but I can tell you all the rules…” said the map a bit offended, a bit irritated. It was going to say, “Why don’t you go and ask the Lilliputs themselves!” but it held its tongue.
“Well tell me the rules then”.
“ There is only one rule which is that if you make the wrong choices your bin of blunders keeps on growing but if you choose the correct alternative then your bin of wonders may fill and you would then be able to make the trip to Heaven- ever that would change your life.”
This time the map was happy to be able to deliver such a long speech full of good advice to this clueless little girl.
Kiss- me- quick was a bit circumspect but she said “Okay! I’ll try”.
“Go on then. All the best”
“ I believe I can make my destiny”, said kiss- me- quick hopefully.
She again looked at its features. Strewn inside were many objects: broken hearts, mended hearts, kisses stolen, kisses sent, some kisses were flying about, some were planted on cheeks of babies, boys and girls.

She entered the wilderness and was happy to find a pot full of kisses all by itself. “Looks like a good sign! I can’t believe my good luck.” She pocketed a few and rest she passed on to the flowers and butterflies. She felt in a light mood and very soon she had traversed the whole map. At the end of the road she found a signboard declaring in big bold letters: “HEAVENNEVER”. She was on cloud 9 and her happiness knew no bounds but “WAIT!” She read again. HEAVEN NEVER. O no! She had lost her way. How could this be? Throughout she had kept her heart of gold and had never been stingy in sharing treasure pots when she found them.
“ Don’t lose heart,” she reminded herself. She looked to check the bin of wonders- It was EMPTY. Hesitantly and knowing the answer well she checked the bin of blunders- It was FULL and overflowing. It seemed that all the kisses had added to the bin of blunders. “Why were the kisses scoring for the bin of blunders?” She was puzzled and lost.
“ Lost…lost…lost I am lost forever in Heavennever”
“ But you needn’t worry that much”, said a voice.
Nobody was around. She was alone.
“ You are not alone.”
The voice was quite close to her.
“ Don’t be so annoyed with me”. It was the map.
“ Go away. Because of you I lost milknhoney land.”
“ Not at all. You are still there. That was just virtual reality. Look around you.”
True. She was still in milknhoney and glad to be where she was.
“ This was a Real Time Experience. You can improve upon it.”
“Never. I do not like the game.”
“ You QUIT then?”
She didn’t want to hear anymore of heavennever or for that matter of heavenever either.
She did not feel like a loser and the jibes of the map had little impact on her. The book fell from Kiss- me- quick’s hands onto the quilt and she was fast asleep. In her dreams the map was trying to tell her something but it was inaudible. He pointed towards a key on which something was engraved but it was invisible or atleast blurred.” But after a few days her curiosity got the better of her. That day as twilight fell the gold on the book glittered with renewed lighting: “To the chosen one”. Kiss- me- quick was still mystified and she wanted to know why her quest lead to nowhere or heavennever and not heavenever. The answer lay somewhere within this book. Eve alone had been tempted so by the apple on the tree and so was Kiss- me- quick now. She snatched the book and in one go her resolve of days went up in smoke.

Story Appeal for Ethnic Harmony: Inspired by Tale of Tub

A Tale of Two Tubs

From all that has gone before you would think that Lilliputians were all alike. This however is not true- they were alike only in that they all disliked women- they were united by this common hatred against Lilliputian females, but their unity ended just there and the differences appeared grotesque from there on. The differences could be deduced from their dresses- in fact there was a common saying amongst them: a man’s dress is a map of his mind. Another version of the same was “the hair on the head, the vest on the chest are pigmented by the gene pool in the cell”. The meaning of these wise quotes of lilliput folks would be made clear in a while. For lilliputs it was birth determined that women wore/were black curtains. Similarly, other sartorial laws were so strictly followed that the habit looked not just like a Lilliputian habit but inherited property. Lilliputs called their sartorial laws as Sartorlillys – the sartorlillys were responsible for the many colour that lilliputs sported. The lilliput world would have been black and bleak but for these sartorlillies. A riot of colours occurred from time to time when vested interests rose to extreme. Lilliputs on such days wre dressed to kill. This riot featured tearing the vests or chopping and snipping off of hair of the other sects. There were those lilliputs who wore green vests and those who wore Orange vests: saffron and green were considered natural colours by those who had the particular vests. Newborns in Lilliputland were baptized either in the tub containing green waters or in the tub of orange juices The oranges, however, thought that greens were fake and vice versa. Among the greens there were two shades and one shade always asserted originality claiming that there was neither the need nor desire for any derivatives- “ Colour was one they claimed”…. “Green was the only true colour”. “The ‘such n such’ shade of the green was the only true colour and no other”. They wanted the whole lilliputland to be green- the Wizard of Oz being inspired by them had tried building an emerald city but after a while he gave up upon it and settled for green goggles for the inhabitants, the visitors and himself”. The Lilliputian had never read of Oz but Oz had heard of them form Gulliver who wrote the great Gulliver’s Travels. The Orange lovers were different –while greens wanted all to wear their specific green the Oranges wanted only a handful to wear the specific Orange; they wanted the rest to be called Orange- deprived. They had a theory which was that Orange people were of four types – type1 could wear orange, type 2 and 3 could sit with orange- wearers and share some glory, type 3 could only adore type 1,2,3 from a distance and wait till next time. If they waited well upon them the next time could approach sometime. True many people like chameleons to suit their self also changed colours after conversion ceremonies also known as vest “dyeing” functions, but throughout they were dubbed turncoats and their new vests always had some vestiges of the old one which they couldn’t properly disown.
There were other colours of which Red most stood out- this acquired colour had the patronage of whosoever had nothing more than a vest or else “no hidden chest within the vest”- the reds believed that everybody should have equal sized chests or no chests at all.There were those that went around with no clothing on- these were the lowest of low creatures as they refused to fit into any vest available to them- obviously they were called misfits or social activists. They were so confused that they didn’t know which colour to wear although their birth left nothing to doubt. They were too much hot in the brain, so much so that they tore away their clothes themselves. This heretic and nudist sect asserted, “ the vests were borrowed but Lilliputians were born alike naked.” They talked about lilliputanity, which they said was superior to any colour but nobody bothered much about what they said. This ‘lilliputanity’ has over the ages rightly become a term of abuse. This quite irrelevant way of thinking, dressing or rather pretext for undressing, even then, did not find much favour with the true philosophers of lilliputland. Not withstanding the hullabuloo created by lilliputanity sects colour riots were run.After colour riots the laundry men and dyers on engaged sides would come and take charge of the streets. Lilliputs knew it well that spilt blood always turned red and black after a while, so it was the practice of Lilliputian dyers and launderers, after every colour riot to restore the original colour by dyeing it in the same. It is a shame that we have learnt nothing so far and we let the same red blood of humanity appear on the streets while being aware that the true colour was never red but some other and only and original colour of which properly speaking no other complement exists. Let our dyers procure the two tubs talked about our confusions would be clarified a little.

Story Appeal for Ethnic Harmony: Inspired by Tale of Tub

A Tale of Two Tubs

From all that has gone before you would think that Lilliputians were all alike. This however is not true- they were alike only in that they all disliked women- they were united by this common hatred against Lilliputian females, but their unity ended just there and the differences appeared grotesque from there on.

The differences could be deduced from their dresses- in fact there was a common saying amongst them: a man’s dress is a map of his mind. Another version of the same was “the hair on the head, the vest on the chest are pigmented by the gene pool in the cell”.

The meaning of these wise quotes of lilliput folks would be made clear in a while. For lilliputs it was birth determined that women wore/were black curtains. Similarly, other sartorial laws were so strictly followed that the habit looked not just like a Lilliputian habit but inherited property. Lilliputs called their sartorial laws as Sartorlillys – the sartorlillys were responsible for the many colour that lilliputs sported. The lilliput world would have been black and bleak but for these sartorlillies.

A riot of colours occurred from time to time when vested interests rose to extreme. Lilliputs on such days were 'dressed to kill'. This riot featured tearing the vests or chopping and snipping off of hair of the other sects. There were those lilliputs who wore green vests and those who wore Orange vests: saffron and green were considered natural colours by those who had the particular vests.

Newborns in Lilliputland were baptized either in the tub containing green waters or in the tub of orange juices The oranges, however, thought that greens were fake and vice versa. Among the greens there were two shades and one shade always asserted originality claiming that there was neither the need nor desire for any derivatives- “ Colour was one they claimed”…. “Green was the only true colour”. “The ‘such n such’ shade of the green was the only true colour and no other”. They wanted the whole lilliputland to be green- the Wizard of Oz being inspired by them had tried building an emerald city but after a while he gave up upon it and settled for green goggles for the inhabitants, the visitors and himself”.

The Lilliputian had never read of Oz but Oz had heard of them form Gulliver who wrote the great Gulliver’s Travels. The Orange lovers were different –while greens wanted all to wear their specific green the Oranges wanted only a handful to wear the specific Orange; they wanted the rest to be called Orange- deprived. They had a theory which was that Orange people were of four types – type1 could wear orange, type 2 and 3 could sit with orange- wearers and share some glory, type 3 could only adore type 1,2,3 from a distance and wait till next time. If they waited well upon them the next time could approach sometime. True many people like chameleons to suit their self also changed colours after conversion ceremonies also known as vest “dyeing” functions, but throughout they were dubbed turncoats and their new vests always had some vestiges of the old one which they couldn’t properly disown.

There were other colours of which Red most stood out- this acquired colour had the patronage of whosoever had nothing more than a vest or else “no hidden chest within the vest”- the reds believed that everybody should have equal sized chests or no chests at all.

There were those that went around with no clothing on- these were the lowest of low creatures as they refused to fit into any vest available to them- obviously they were called misfits or social activists. They were so confused that they didn’t know which colour to wear although their birth left nothing to doubt. They were too much hot in the brain, so much so that they tore away their clothes themselves. This heretic and nudist sect asserted, “ the vests were borrowed but Lilliputians were born alike naked.” They talked about lilliputanity, which they said was superior to any colour but nobody bothered much about what they said. This ‘lilliputanity’ has over the ages rightly become a term of abuse. This quite irrelevant way of thinking, dressing or rather pretext for undressing, even then, did not find much favour with the true philosophers of lilliputland. Not withstanding the hullabuloo created by lilliputanity sects colour riots were run.

After colour riots the laundry men and dyers on engaged sides would come and take charge of the streets. Lilliputs knew it well that spilt blood always turned red and black after a while, so it was the practice of Lilliputian dyers and launderers, after every colour riot to restore the original colour by dyeing it in the same.

It is a shame that we have learnt nothing so far and we let the same red blood of humanity appear on the streets while being aware that the true colour was never red but some other and only and original colour of which properly speaking no other complement exists. Let our dyers procure the two tubs talked about our confusions would be clarified a little.

A Parody Inspired by Gulliver's Travels

Arim, Barim and Carim : An Absurd Tale from the Land of Lilliputs

Once upon a time, the chiefs of three Lilliputian kingdoms met. The most just king amongst them was to be chosen. Hundreds and thousands of Lilliputians thronged the stalls eager to catch a glimpse of the royalty. The royal peers followed by their trains entered and the crowds rose to greet them. The heads now seated were called upon one by one to demonstrate how just they were.

King A for Arim chose to speak first. “ I am most just. The proof of a pudding is in the eating. The proof of my justice lies in the fact that the moral character of my men is incorrigible.” The two other monarchs asserted the same thing so it was decided that the merit of policies would supersede the merit of their effect since the effect was more or less the same. All agreed that not the effect but the strength of the cause be considered.

Arim got the chance again, B for Barim and C for Carim followed. Arim said, “ Hear O great Lilliputians! Men you are all and I am glad no women and children are allowed to mar these sacrosanct proceedings!”

He told them how they had inherited the atrocious customs from their forefathers that allowed curtain-clad women to have a narrow strip removed from which their eyes could peep through. “ If you allowed them an inch they’d one day want a mile. Through their eyes the whole world was opened out to them. This could breed dissatisfaction and foment rebellion. Of course! We men are not afraid of that- tantrums thrown out by women could be handled.” Arim was more worried about the impact of narrow strip on men.

 “ Some women put kohl in their eyes that lures and misleads men. What’s more there are some that do not wear kohl and hence attract the male attention because men obviously want to know why they had not. They found a hundred thousand ways to arouse the curiosity of men.”

 “ In my kingdom I have proclaimed that women who wear the curtain with a slit be beheaded the second time and their eyes be gouged out the first time they commit the sin.” It was found out that there was no second time because the culprits, after the eyes had been gouged out, did not show an inclination to wear the slit, kohl their eyes or look at the world. The end effect is a high national character amongst Ariminians.

Applause reverberated through the arena and refused to die down, till Barim rose to speak. “It is wrong to condemn our forefathers. In fact they struck upon the bright idea to have the women clad in black curtains. It really does curtail to an extent their black magic. However, I do agree with my distinguished friend that loopholes were left.

One such anomaly my friend has taken care of. I wonder how then the custom of having air filters in the purdah still prevails. When air passes through these filters the women behind suck in the air and their chest heaves up- this process of publicly breathing though harmless in men is vicious in women. It immediately arouses the suspicion that ‘some breathing thing’ or ‘some such creature’ is behind the black folds. In my country I have ordered these vile filters to be plugged.” The public sat spellbound admiring the great wit and justness of their leaders. Lilliputs were happy that men of such intelligence were bred among them.

Barim continued, “Not only do we control the breathing of women but we have taken measures so that women are virtually absent from men’s minds. In the kingdom of Barim, my friends, newspapers cannot display the photos of ladies. No excuses are allowed. The other day a press reporter was beaten up because he had the boldness to ask if mama Meresa could feature in the newspapers. Women don’t have to be beauty queens to make men go crazy. All women are alike suspect. Of course! The average Bariminian is the most righteous- quite like Adam before he met Eve.”

C for Carim who had been listening patiently to his peers’ discourses and had throughout been sitting with an amused smile now rose. He stepped up the pedestal and the crowd hung upon his lips. He knew that Arim and Barim were making bold talk, declaring how smart, efficient and just they were but in spite of their claim they had failed to remove the root cause of all evil.

“Gentlemen, like my friends I am happy to see no ladies here. But outside, in the Bazaars, shopping Malls, in the vicinity of places of worship and in our very harems and homes we have to bear with these low creatures. Women! Damn them!! No amount of cloth that goes into making them decent would ensure their character. They’ll never stop misleading men. To save our national characters (and I speak of all the kingdom in lilliputland) we have to take drastic measures. My friends went a few steps but no further. I congratulate them on their achievements but regret that they refused to take the one bold decision that was justly anticipated in their policies. Gentlemen! To ban sieves and filter is not enough; it is not enough to edit out the pictures of the she- devil from newspapers. She is sitting, waiting for you in your very homes.”

He told them how he had left his countrymen in a utopia where men had endless joy. This was because women- the constant source of irritation, the chief cause of man’s transgressions, the only cause of any digression-were removed. “O Lilliputians, Remember! The heart does not grieve over what eyes do not see…a man does not pine over false loves and beauties he never set his eyes upon.” The message was loud and clear: ‘Exterminate all the women’. Carim waited for the applause.

Everybody sat dumbstruck. People forgot to applaud. Arim and Barim whispered in each other’s ears. This was grand. Unconventional! Almost Prophetic! Everything now depended upon the public. They were not fools. The public was no fool. Carim had taken the ideas of the other two to its logical extreme. But…The Public Could Not Digest It.

Carim was crowned the most royal of the kings of Lilliput and most just. When after the public ceremony he said his last prayer he felt like Christ crucified. This grand sire, like his thoughts, belonged not to the world of mortals! He was put to death the same day and the Lilliputians who had started the day celebrating, ended the day mourning that such a great philosopher-king could be had no more.

They were sad for that day they had unanimously decided to put to eternal rest the minion of their race.Women were not exterminated. They had to be had, their presence borne, a constant irritant, to be continually suppressed as a reminder that men alone were potent repositories of Good. They still existed- damn them! The Necessary Evils!

May 2006



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This story was triggered by a newspaper snippet that the King of Saudi Arabia had banned the photos of women from being published in the newspapers. My mother commented that if they could they would ban women’s breathing. The framing narrative is provided by Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels but while Swift was often misogynist I have tried to use his style to satirize 'Phallocentric' discourses and societies and institutes. It is a myth that purdah and other curbs on women don’t exist today- in India too marginalization of women is quite rampant. Their lives are still dictated by traditions that were inimical to women’s freedom. The satire also has strong flavour of Nazism and Carim might remind of Hitler’s speeches. The reference to Adam and Christ is also deliberate because they both spell innocence and chastity to an extent. Also, Adam succumbs to Eve while Christ and Carim set an example that is hard to follow. What makes the story funnier is perhaps the fact that Dan Brown has revealed certain interesting points about Christ’s life in The Da Vinci Code.This fact or fiction, and the attempts to bowdlerize the book again underscore the misogynist nature of Catholicism. The Mohammedan contextualization and the Christian/ Biblical allusions are not inimical. In fact the two together show the trans- cultural attitude towards women. The fact that purdah, literally a curtain is a word that finds a lot of favour in Hindu families that however keep on blaming the Muslim invaders for the cursed tradition but religiously and gladly follow it till date although no actual invader threatens them now. The concept of philosopher- king was proposed by Plato in his book The Republic.